Monday, February 13, 2012

Happy Valentines Day

If you are single, try not to think about the fact that right now Newt Gingrich is having more sex then you this Valentines Day. If you are with someone, try to still not think about that.

And now, a love poem:

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Fuck you, whore.
                                                            ---(500) Days of Summer

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Goodbye, Fairy Godmother

As you probably know, Whitney Houston tragically passed away yesterday. You might know her as a famous singer from the 80's with a beautiful voice and a serious drug problem. Me, I knew her as one of the stars of one of my favorite childhood movies.

Though Babe holds the place in my heart as my favorite childhood movie, Cinderella is a close second. While at home I would often go around singing "In My Own Little Corner" badly and off key. I wanted my own Asian Prince with the genetically impossible Black and White mom and dad. Most of all, I wanted Whitney Houston as my Fairy Godmother.

Now, in the months before her death, I developed a new love for her. My friends would often jump around while singing "I Wanna Dance With Somebody." While mourning our single status, we would often break out into "I Will Love You." We would also laugh hysterically at this cover of the song: (Warning: Take out your headphones if you are wearing any)

So goodbye Fairy Godmother. Go dance with somebody in heaven.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Ukulele's and Stuff

I have a ukulele. His name is Fredrick.

Fredrick is slightly shy, so he only wanted a partial shot of himself in the picture.

I'm not crazy. At least, I think I'm not.

I got Fredrick this past Christmas, after meeting a barrage of people with their own ukulele's over the summer and becoming obsessed with learning how to play.

My sister had a small toy ukulele at home, but the poor thing would go out of tune within five minutes of playing it. So I begged and pleaded with my parents to buy me a real one, and to allow this one small bit of musical joy in my life.

I could tell they had reservations. I don't blame them. My younger sister has been blessed with all the musical talent in the family. I, on the other hand, was thought to be tone death for several years before they realized I was just a terrible singer. I tried taking guitar lessons in elementary school, but the teacher stopped showing up after a while.

I mean, I don't think I was that bad.

But i persisted. I plucked away on the untuned ukulele for months. I taught myself how to play "Somewhere Over the Rainbow," "I'm Yours" and "Hey Soul Sister," determined to show my parents I was serious about this.

By Christmas, they relented. In a staged version of when Ralphie gets his Red Rider BB Gun after all the presents have been opened, my parents pulled out my lovely little ukulele from behind the sofa after all the presents were unwrapped.

It would have been cute, if they hadn't pulled the exact same stunt last year when they got my sister and I "Beatles Rock Band."

I was sworn to protect this precious instrument, and to practice every day. And I love it.

And so, the point of this post? Why, to show you how much I love Julia Nunes:

After I started looking up ukulele videos on YouTube, I discovered her awesomeness. I mean, how many of you can do this:

She may have beaten out Kristen Chenoweth as my girl crush. I obviously have a thing for blonds. 

Thursday, February 2, 2012


When I was little, I thought that February was the greatest month out of all the months of the year.

It may have had something to do with the fact that my birthday is in February. Also, how many other months don't have a set number of days? So what January, you think you're so special because you have 31 days? Pfft. Well not only does February have 28 days, but every four years it has 29 days. So suck on that.

However, as I have aged, February has become less of a great month. First of all, it's the one month out of the year were we allow a freaking groundhog to determine the weather forecast. No matter how many times a Punxsutawney native will explain the holiday to you, it will never not sound stupid.

The main reason for the February not-greatness? Valentines Day. Sure, many happy couples take this Hallmark Card holiday to show the world how much they love each other, but for people like me, it's the one day a year when I am acutely aware of my pathetic non-existent romantic life.

No longer is Valentines Day when you got a fun little party in school and get to pass around Sweet Hearts and little cards that say "I choo-choo's you to be my Valentine!" Now it's just become a day when I realize that my relationship status on Facebook has never changed from "Single."