Thursday, August 2, 2012

Chik-fil-a and conservative friends

If you haven't heard about the recent controversy Chik-fil-la controversy, you are probably living under a rock. Or on Mars. Probably on Mars.

Recently, Chik-fil-la's President Dan Cathy confessed that his company was "guilty as charged" when it came to accusations that the company believed in the "Biblical definition of marriage," aka, a marriage between one man and one woman.

And you know what? Thats totally ok. Thats the great thing about America ya'll. We are all entitled to our own opinion.

I know many people think that "bad" opinions should be censored or banned, but think about it. Even with the best intentions, if we started doing that, where would it stop? We are not the USSR, or North Korea. As a writer, my favorite thing in the world is the Freedom of Speech. It's awesome. I want to be best friends with the Freedom of Speech.

So why won't I be giving my money money to Chik-fil-la anymore and give up their amazing waffle fries (sigh, waffle fries.....yummmmmm)? Its not just because eating their food would lead to me getting diabetes (delicious, chik-fil-la sauce covered diabetes), but because Chick-fil-la has donated money to groups like The Family Research Council.

In other words, Chik-fil-la has given money to a hate group.

Anti-LGBT hate groups like The Family Research Council have made it their mission to make people like my Aunt and my cousin lives a living hell. They have put out debunked, false studies trying to link homosexuality to pedophilia. They try to make it impossible for gay people to find employment, fair housing, adoption, marriage and other rights we, as straight people, take for granted.

I know a lesbian couple who are married in California. One of them has a chronic illness that requires frequent doctors visits. But even when they both are healthy, they are nervous about traveling to other states for fear of one of them getting sick in a state where their marriage is not considered legal. The other partner would not be able to see them in the hospital.

Sally Ride, the first woman to go into space,was also the first LGBT woman to fly into space. She had a partner for 27 years, and when Ride died, her partner was denied her Survivors Benefits because of the Defense of Marriage Act.

It is cases like these that groups like The Family Research Council cause, and that is why I will no longer give my money to Chik-fil-la.

If you want to go to Chik-fi-la, that is your choice to make. But know that by standing up for your "Christian Rights" by participating in this Chik-fi-la appreciation day, you are hurting an LGBT person somewhere.

Maybe its by funding an anti-LGBT group, or maybe its a closeted gay teenager who saw all those people standing in line for Chik-fi-la and thought Wow, I am not wanted or appreciated here.

Just know that you are doing it.

Oh, and by the way, Mr. Cathy, I would respectfully like you to know that the "biblical definition of marriage" is a little different from what we view it as today. Marriage has been changing since it was made illegal to sell your daughter for two cows and a goat. We also made it illegal to have multiple wives (Abraham and David. David really got around when it came to wives), have sex with your father (Lot), and made it illegal to grab a girl and carry her off to be your wife (Benjaminites -- Judges 21:19-25). Also, it's kind of frowned upon to wait for your brother to die and take his widow (Onana and Boaz).

And as for that "one should not lie with a man as one would with a woman" bit that everybody gets so riled up about, I have two different theories about what it actually really meant (both of these taken from a bible studies class I took a few years ago):

One theory is that the government at the time the Bible was written was trying to raise the population count. As we all know, two men or two woman having sex can not produce a baby (though as one of my gay friends says, "God knows we keep trying.")

This also ties into the Bible passage that says "though shall not spill his seed on the ground," aka banning masturbation. Sperm helps create babies, so they wanted to use it for making those babies. I mean, what more can you take away from God killing a man because he chose not to get a girl pregnant?

The other theory says that one should not lie with a man because it was a woman thing to do, and woman were considered less than property in the Biblical era. They were a man's to use. If you had sex with a man, you were basically disrespecting him by considering him a "woman." This was not shown as a "morality problem," but as a "women suck" problem.

As all this controversy was going down, I could not help but stop and consider some interesting developments in my own life. Before I went to college, I only was friends with people who shared the same Liberal values as I did. Life was simple and easy.

Then I went to college, and became friends with many people with different values. One of them is one of my closest friends and future roommate, K. She is funny, sweet, smart and kind, and she is also a conservative.

At first, I wasn't sure how to proceed. I really don't talk about politics that often, except around my family. I also had this view that all Republicans and Conservatives were Tea Party birthers who wouldn't shut up about Obama's freaking birth certificate.

K proved me wrong. She is not like that at all. She has the sweetest mother in the whole world, she likes to make Turkish Delight, and she loves writing and theater just as much as I do. We are both obsessed with The Great Gatsby, love watching Castle and all things Nathan Fillion, and love hating the graphic novel Jimmy Corrigan. She does not go around shoving her beliefs down people's throats.

Sure, she believes in some traditional values that I don't agree with. Sure, she once called me a "screaming liberal" in the only conversation we ever had about politics (I took it as a compliment). But that's the great thing about America.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

Thursday, July 26, 2012

I'm Alive

Hello people. I am not dead. Thank heavens for that.

It pains me greatly that I have not updated this blog since April. April, I tell you!

Well that is about to change, for two major reasons.

One is I am going back to school soon, and I will be living in a house with seven other Creative Writers. Oh the adventures I shall write about!

The other reason is I have started a new blog, Liz Wrote This. (

This will be a blog dedicated solely to my attempts on becoming a published author. It will also feature pieces of my own work.

I would greatly appreciate it if you would follow it as well. Tell your friends. It will be awesome.


Tuesday, April 24, 2012

My New Hair!

Hello everybody. Look at my new hair!

I know, I know, this probably isn't very exciting news, but it's been years since I changed my haircut. I got layers and side bangs.

You can all thank my friends Kayla and Kira for convincing me to go through with it.

Carry on with your day now.

Thursday, March 29, 2012

How a Teddy Bear Almost Destroyed My Childhood.

When I was very small, just a tiny little baby only about sixth months old, my mother took me to meet my father at the airport when he got back from a trip. When my father arrived, he had in his hands a brown and black teddy bear a gift he had gotten from the airport gift shop.

According to my mother, I grabbed that bear from him the minute my dad presented it to me and refused to let go. His official name was Teddy (because I was a very original child) and I took him everywhere with me. We played in the park and had tea parties that would make the Queen jealous. He was by my side every night, because I knew he would protect me from the monsters in my closet.

Fast forward to when I was about ten, during my Easter vacation. My father announced that some cousins of his from Germany were getting married. He wanted to take me to Germany with him to attend the wedding of relatives I had never met.

I was very excited. I loved to travel, and had even visited Germany before. I was excited to ride on a plane that had a TV on the back of each seat that had a load of movies to chose from. Of course, I was going to bring Teddy along.

I watched movies on the plane to my hearts content while I had Teddy snuggled up next to me. Eventually, I fell asleep from the extremely long flight.

When we finally arrived at our destination, I was incredibly groggy and not sure what was going on. My father asked me if I had everything with me, and I nodded my head yes. We shuffled off the plane, out of customs and into a cab that took us to our hotel. I fell into my bed and fell into a deep sleep.

When I woke up several hours later, I began to unpack my stuff. I organized my clothes and emptied the bag of books and toys I had brought along for the ride. Then I reached into my bag to get Teddy.

I couldn't find him.

I dumped the rest of my bag onto my bed and began to frantically search for my bear. I searched all over the room and under my bed. I looked out in the hallway and down at the front desk.

I still couldn't find him.

I began to panic and told my dad what was wrong. My dad called the airport and asked in German if a Teddy Bear had been returned to Lost and Found.

No bear had been returned.

I had lost Teddy. He was gone, lost to the frightening world of German air travel.

So, I did what any rational kid would have done.

I bawled like a baby.

My dad, the sweet yet misguided man he is, decided that the best way to cheer me up was to walk me through the little village fair that we were staying in, as well as getting ready for the wedding. It didn't help. All I did was cry about Teddy or sulk about Teddy.

Now, I don't remember a lot about this wedding. Most of my memories of this trip involve me crying over Teddy. But there are two things I remember very clearly.

First of all, the only food there that I liked there were these tiny little roasted potatoes. The rest was a mix of disgusting traditional German food that made me run away from the smell.

The other was a little "fun time" that was planned for all the guests (and there were a lot of guests). There were two planned activities that you could participate in.

One was a five mile hike uphill into the Black Forrest. The other was learning a traditional folk dance.

I chose the folk dance. My wonderful father left me, the only person who spoke English, to go on the hike.

I was pulled into a circle of several adults (I remember being the only kid at the wedding). Then, in German, we were told to walk in a very slow circle, moving our feet in one direction and another.

This went on for hours. It was slow, and it was boring. Eventually, during a break in the dancing, I snuck away to sit by a nearby stream. I threw rocks and sticks into it, wallowing in my pre-preteen angst.

Eventually, my dad and the hikers came back, and then we left. I don't remember anything about the wedding after that.

A few days later, my dad and I went on a hike of our own on the Black Forrest. his hike, unfortunately, was not fun at all, due to my father scaring the living daylights out of me about wild boars that lived in the woods that would gorge hikers with their snouts. If I walked in front of him, he would break large sticks and throw large rocks to make me think I was about to be killed by a boar.

This must be what Ponyboy feels like, I thought to myself.

Eventually, it was time to leave. As we drove to the airport, my dad and I stopped at a gas station to get some food. As I continued to wallow in my angst and depression, my dad called me over to an aisle he was standing in. I grudgingly walked over.

There, sitting right in front of me, were about 100 different teddy bears. There were tiny ones the size of my hand and big ones about the same size as me. My dad told me to pick out any one I wanted.

I searched through the mass of bears. I couldn't decide which one to pick. They weren't Teddy.

Sudden;y, a small bear caught my eye. He was brown with a white snout, and wearing a little red T-Shirt. On the shirt were the words I Love You.

I picked him up and looked at him. He was the only bear without other bears to match him. He looked very lonely.

I brought him over to my dad and placed him on the counter. His name would be Teddy 2.

Right now, he's looking at me from the windowsill of my dorm room. We grew close.

Monday, March 19, 2012

10 Reasons Why The Rest Of The World Thinks The US Is Nuts

I am a avid reader of the Huffington Post. As I was perusing it today, I came across this blog post written by Soraya Chemaly. Since she basically wrote precisely how I feel about woman's rights at the moment, I'm just going to let you read her words for herself.

This week the Georgia State Legislature debated a bill in the House, that would make it necessary for some women to carry stillborn or dying fetuses until they 'naturally' go into labor. In arguing for this bill Representative Terry England described his empathy for pregnant cows and pigs in the same situation.
I have a question for Terry England, Sam Brownback, Rick Santorum, Rick Perry and too many others: I have three daughters, two of them twins. If one of my twins had been stillborn would you have made me carry her to term, thereby endangering both the other twin and me? Or, would you have insisted that the state order a mandatory fetal extraction of the living twin fetus from my womb so that I could continue to carry the stillborn one to term and possibly die myself? My family is curious and since you believe my uterus is your public property, I am, too.
Mr. England, unlike the calves and pigs for which you expressed so much empathy, I am not a beast of burden. I am a woman and I have these human rights:
The right to life.
The right to privacy.
The right to freedom.
The right to bodily integrity.
The right to decide when and how I reproduce.
Mr. England, you and your friends do not get to trade these rights, while "dog and hog hunting," in return for a young man's chickens.
My human rights outweigh any you or the state corruptly and cynically seek to assign to a mass of dividing cells that will eventually turn into a 'natural' person. Personhood-for-zygote based bills and related legislation, like Georgia's and hundreds of others, bills and laws that criminalize pregnancy and abortion and penalize women for being women, violate my human rights.
Just because you cannot get pregnant does not mean I cannot think clearly, ethically, morally, rationally about my body, human life or the consequences of my actions. Just because you cannot get pregnant does not mean that I do not have rights when I am pregnant. I have responsibility but am powerless. You have power but are irresponsible with my rights.
By not trusting me, you force me to trust you. And YOU are not trustworthy.
I gestate humans, you do not. I know how it feels to be pregnant. You do not. I know what happens to a fetus in a womb. You do not. I have carried three fetuses to term. You have not. What I experience when I am pregnant is not empathy. It is permeability. The fetus is me. And the state is you, apparently. But, no matter what you say or do I have fundamental human rights. What makes you think that you, who cannot have this fully human experience, can tell me anything about gestation or how I experience it? Especially when you compare my existence and experience to that of brutish animals.
The rest of the civilized world thinks this country has lost its mind. It's no wonder. Look at this list of frenzied misogyny:
1. Making women carry still-born fetuses to full term because cows and pigs do. This week, Mr England, you supported a bill, the net effect of which, taken tandem with other restrictions, will result in doctors and women being unable to make private, medically-based, critical care decisions and some women being effectively forced to carry their dead or dying fetuses. Women are different from farm animals, Mr. England, and this bill, requiring a woman to carry a dead or dying fetus, with no possibility of abortion, even when the she is in danger of dying, is inhumane and unethical. By forcing a woman to do this, you are violating her right not to be subjected to inhuman treatment and tortured. And, yes, involuntarily carrying a dead fetus to term, although not torture to you or to a pig, is torture for a woman. It is also a violation of her bodily integrity and a threat to her life and as such violates her right to life.
2. Consigning women to death to save a fetus. Abortions save women's lives. "Let women die" bills are happening all over the country. There is no simple or pretty way to put this. Every day, all over the world, women die because they do not have access to safe abortions. Yet, here we are, returning to the dark ages of maternal sacrifice. Do really have to type this sentence: this is a violation of women's fundamental right to life.
3. Criminalizing pregnancy and miscarriages and arresting, imprisoning and charging women who miscarry with murder, like Rennie Gibbs in Mississippi or at least 40 other similar cases in Alabama or like Bei Bei Shuai, a woman who is now imprisoned, is charged with murder after trying to commit suicide while pregnant. Pregnant women are becoming a special class subject to "special" laws that infringe on their fundamental rights.
4. Forcing women to undergo involuntary vaginal penetration (otherwise called rape) with a condom-covered, six- to eight-inch ultrasound probePennsylvania is currently considering that option along with eleven other states. Trans-vaginal ultrasounds undertaken with out a woman's consent are rape according the legal definition of the word. This violates a woman's bodily integrity and also constitutes torture when used, as states are suggesting, as a form of control and oppression. Women have the right not to be raped by the state.
5. Disabling women or sacrificing their lives by either withholding medical treatment or forcing women to undergo involuntary medical procedures. We impose an unequal obligation on women to sacrifice their bodily integrity for another. For example, as in Tysiac v. Poland, in which a mother of two, became blind after her doctor refused to perform an abortion that she wanted that would have halted the course of a degenerative eye disease. If my newborn baby is in need of a kidney and you have a spare matching one, can I enact legislation that says the state can take yours and give it to her? No. We do not force people to donate their organs to benefit others, even those who have already been born. One of the most fundamental of all human rights is that humans be treated equally before the law. Denying a woman this right is a violation of her equal right to this protection.
6. Giving zygotes "personhood" rights while systematically stripping women of their fundamental rights. There is too much to say about the danger of personhood ideas creeping into health policy to do it here. But, consider what happens to a woman whose womb is not considered the "best" environment for a gestating fetus in a world of personhood-for-zygote legislation: who decides the best environment -- the state, her insurance company, her employer, her rapist who decides he really, really wants to be a father? Anyone but a woman.
7. Inhibiting, humiliating and punishing women for their choices to have an abortion for any reason by levying taxes specifically on abortion, including abortions sought by rape victims to end their involuntary insemination, imposing restrictive requirements like 24 hour wait periods andempowering doctors to lie to female patients about their fetuses in order to avoid prosecution. In Arizona, Kansas, Texas, Virginia, Colorado, Arkansas and other states around the country bills that make women "pay" for their choices are abounding.
8. Allowing employers to delve into women's private lives and only pay for insurance when they agree, for religious reasons, with how she choses to use birth control. In Arizona, which introduced such a bill this week, this means covering payment for birth control as a benefit only when a woman has proven that she will not use it to control her own reproduction (ie. as birth control). As much as I am worried about women and families in Arizona though, I am more worried about those in Alabama. You see, as recently revealed in a public policy poll in Alabama, conservative, evangelicals who support "personhood" related "pro-life" legislation and are fighting for their "religious liberty" -- 21 percent think interracial marriage should be illegal. So, what if they decide that an employee involved in an interracial marriage should not, by divine mandate, reproduce? Do they switch and provide birth control for this employee? Do they make contraception a necessary term of employment for people in interracial marriages? This violates a woman's right to privacy. My womb is one million times more private than your bedrooms, gentlemen.
9. Sacrificing women's overall health and the well-being of their families in order to stop them from exercising their fundamental human right to control their own bodies and reproduction. Texas just did that when it turned down $35million dollars in federal funds thereby ensuring that 300,000 low-income and uninsured Texas women will have no or greatly-reduced access to basic preventive and reproductive health care.
10. Depriving women of their ability to earn a living and support themselves and their families. Bills, like this one in Arizona, allow employers to fire women for using contraception. Women like these are being fired for not.
You presume to consign my daughters and yours to function as reproductive animals.
This is about sex and property, not life and morality. Sex because when women have sex and want to control their reproduction that threatens powerful social structures that rely on patriarchal access to and control over women as reproductive engines. Which brings us to property: control of reproduction was vital when the agricultural revolution took place and we, as a species, stopped meandering around plains in search of food. Reproduction and control of it ensured that a man could possess and consolidate wealth-building and food-producing land and then make sure it wasn't disaggregated by passing it on to one son he knew was his -- largely by claiming a woman and her gestation capability as property, too.
This is not about freedom of religion. If it were, we would, for example, allow Christian Scientists to refuse to pay for coverage of life-saving blood transfusions for employees. Religious freedom means I get to chose whether or not to be religious and if so, how. It does not mean that I get to impose my religion on others. Paying for insurance is part of the way we compensate employees, even when they use their insurance in ways we don't agree with and are in contravention of our own personal beliefs. I think that it is stupid, dangerous and immoral to chain smoke, especially around children whose lungs it irreparably harms. But, I still have to pay for an employee to have access to lung scans, nicotine patches and oxygen tanks. I do not get to say that my religious beliefs, which include keeping bodies as healthy as possible, make it possible for me to withhold payment of this employee's insurance. Guaranteed coverage of contraception and reproductive health care has overwhelming benefits for society, including reducing unwanted pregnancies and abortions. By inserting your religious beliefs so egregiously into government legislation and my life, you are imposing your religious beliefs on me. You don't like mandated insurance coverage for basic reproductive health humans with two X chromosomes? I don't like being bred by state compulsion like Mr. England's farm animals. I have a MORAL OBJECTION to being treated like an animal and not a human. You do not have to use contraception, you do not have to use birth control.But, that does not mean you have any right to tell me that I cannot if I chose. That is my right.
Property, control, sex, reproduction, morality, defining what is human. Sounds a lot like issues surrounding slavery 170 years ago. It is no surprise that of the 16 states that never repealed their anti-miscegenation laws, but rather had them overturned by the Supreme Court in 1967 more than half have introduced personhood bills. Like anti-miscegentation laws, anti-choice laws and bills that humiliate women, that treat them like beasts, that violate their bodily autonomy, are based on ignorance, entitlement and arrogance. These laws are not about "personhood" but "humanity." That women of color are massively, disproportionately affected by these assaults on their bodies and rights should also come as no surprise - their rights and their bodies have always been the most vulnerable assault.
This is about keeping women's wombs public and in other people's control -- the exact opposite of private and in their own control.
And, yes, I do know how complicated the ethics, bioethics and legal arguments related to these decisions are. You, apparently, do not. If you were truly concerned with sustaining life and improving its quality or in protecting innocent children, you would begin by having compassion and empathy for living, born people that require and deserve your attention. You feed them, educate them, lift them from poverty and misery. You do not compound these problems as you are with twisted interpretations of divine will. Only after that do you have the moral legitimacy to entertain the notion of talking to me about my uterus and what I do with it. By then, fully functional artificial wombs should be available and you can implant your own, since you are so fond of animal analogies, as was completed with this male mouse. What you are doing is disgraceful, hypocritical and morally corrupt.
And, no, I am not crazy. I am angry.
Mr. Santorum, Mr. England and Mr. Brownback and Mr. Perry you should consider not clinging so dangerously and perversely to the Agrarian Revolution ideas. Birth control and safe abortions are life-saving technologies. These archaic bills and laws, wasteful of time, money and lives, obscure an enduring and unchangeable truth: safe and effective family planning is the transformative social justice accomplishment of the 20th century. They will not go away. This is a revolution, too.
In a 1851 speech in which she argued for equal rights for women, Sojourner Truth said the following: "The poor men seems to be all in confusion, and don't know what to do. Why children, if you have woman's rights, give it to her and you will feel better. You will have your own rights, and they won't be so much trouble."
Do you, Terry England, Sam Brownback, Rick Santorum and friends even know who Sojourner Truth is?

As a wise women (me) once said, "I can't believe I still have to protest this shit."

Sunday, March 11, 2012

Dear God, She's Pregnant.

Unless you have been living under a rock for the past few days, you must have heard the news.

Snooki is pregnant.

Take a moment to digest that information. In the meantime, enjoy this picture:

Yep, the 4'9 "guidette" (what does that even mean?) is cooking a little bun in her oven. This is a woman who either spends her time getting drunk in New Jersey or trying to get drunk in Italy.

But you know, ok. It's none of my business if Snooki is going to have a baby. Despite her less then steller track record, if she is going to improve her health and lifestyle for the sake of the baby, good for her. It's her right, after all.

That was pretty much how I felt about the Snookie situation (if I felt anything at all), until I saw this on the Huffington Post:

In Virginia, under the new approved bill, private adoption agencies can prevent an adoption because of the parents' religious beliefs or sexual orientation.
What. The. Hell.

Children are being denied loving parents because of their sexual orientation or religious beliefs, but Snooki is allowed to have a kid.

Dear God, help us all.

Saturday, March 3, 2012

Put This Between Your Knees, Rush Limbaugh.

When I first started this blog, I told myself I wasn't going to talk about anything "controversial." It would not be some sort of political blog talking about all the terrible things that go on in politics. It would just be a fun little place for me to talk about all the awesome things that happen in college.

Well, you can thank Rush Limbaugh for the change.

I am a proud Liberal woman. Lately, I have been quietly fuming about all the assaults that have been happening on women's reproductive health care, but I haven't done anything but vent about it to other people.

Then I heard about the comments Rush Limbaugh has been making against Georgetown law student Sandra Fluke.

If you have no idea what I'm talking about/have been living under a rock for the past few weeks, I'll explain the situation.

House Oversight Committee Chairman Rep. Darrell Issa (R-CA) held a hearing about the Obama administration’s new regulation requiring employers and insurers to provide contraception coverage to their employees, but they prevented women from testifying on the issue.

During the all male panel on whether religious institutions should have to provide free contraception to their female employees (lets just take a moment to reflect on the fact that men were the only one's allowed to talk on a panel about female contraception) Sandra Fluke was denied the chance to speak.

Later, at a Democratic hearing, Fluke told the sad story about how a friend of her at Georgetown, a lesbian, has polycystic ovarian syndrome and has to take prescription birth control to stop cysts from growing on her ovaries. However, since Georgetown University is a Catholic university, her friend's student health insurance would not cover the cost. 

After paying several hundred dollars out of pocket, the girl was forced to stop taking to contraception since she could no longer afford it. The cysts on her ovary got so big that the girl now had to have surgery to remove her ovary. She is now in early menopause and no longer able to have children.

Fluke's story is one that many woman go through. 98% of women in America have used contraception, and not just for preventing pregnancies.

However, when Limbaugh got wind of the story, the always classy Rush began to talk about Fluke on his radio program, calling her a "prostitute" and a "slut." He also said that the reason Fluke couldn't afford contraception was because she and the other girls at Georgetown were having "so much sex." 

I've grown use to people like Limbaugh slut shaming girls for having the gall to use contraception and even (gasp!) enjoy sex. Plus, his stupidity clearly shows when he Fluke was actually talking about (contraception for medical reasons) when completely over his head.

But on his next radio show, he crossed a line that even I thought he couldn't cross. Here is what he said to Miss Fluke and the rest of the "Feminazis":

LIMBAUGH: So Miss Fluke, and the rest of you Feminazis, here’s the deal. If we are going to pay for your contraceptives, and thus pay for you to have sex. We want something for it. We want you post the videos online so we can all watch.
Yes girls, if you have the nerve to want affordable contraception coverage, you shouldn't have any trouble posting a sex tape, because you are obviously a whore who has so much sex that you can barely afford the pill. 

Reacting to the (understandable) outrage over his remarks, dear old Rush only had this to say:

LIMBAUGH: I will buy all of the women at Georgetown University as much aspirin to put between their knees as they want.

 Rush is, of course, referring to Conservative Santorum Super PAC donor Foster Friess, who said that back in his day, that gosh darn pill wasn't that expensive because "gals" just put "aspirin between their knees." I hope you all realize that aspirin is not a contraceptive, and what Friess really meant was that girls should just keep their legs closed if they don't want to get pregnant. Boys, however, are free to carry on as they wish.

Guess what Rush? I must be one of those Feminazi sluts, because when I was fourteen, I started taking the pill for (gasp!) medical reasons. I no longer take the pill because I have no need for it anymore, but someday, and I know this might be hard for you to handle, I'll start taking it again. 

And guess what Rush? I'm also a Christian. Let that soak into your brain for a minute.

So for you lovely eyes Rush, here is my sex tape:

This slut shaming is nothing but a horrible way to silence women, and to bring us back to the "good old days" when just talking about contraception could get you arrested, and women who needed an abortion went to back alley doctors.

So keep talking, Sandra Fluke. All women who want affordable contraception, keep talking.

Just keep talking.

Monday, February 13, 2012

Happy Valentines Day

If you are single, try not to think about the fact that right now Newt Gingrich is having more sex then you this Valentines Day. If you are with someone, try to still not think about that.

And now, a love poem:

Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Fuck you, whore.
                                                            ---(500) Days of Summer

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Goodbye, Fairy Godmother

As you probably know, Whitney Houston tragically passed away yesterday. You might know her as a famous singer from the 80's with a beautiful voice and a serious drug problem. Me, I knew her as one of the stars of one of my favorite childhood movies.

Though Babe holds the place in my heart as my favorite childhood movie, Cinderella is a close second. While at home I would often go around singing "In My Own Little Corner" badly and off key. I wanted my own Asian Prince with the genetically impossible Black and White mom and dad. Most of all, I wanted Whitney Houston as my Fairy Godmother.

Now, in the months before her death, I developed a new love for her. My friends would often jump around while singing "I Wanna Dance With Somebody." While mourning our single status, we would often break out into "I Will Love You." We would also laugh hysterically at this cover of the song: (Warning: Take out your headphones if you are wearing any)

So goodbye Fairy Godmother. Go dance with somebody in heaven.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Ukulele's and Stuff

I have a ukulele. His name is Fredrick.

Fredrick is slightly shy, so he only wanted a partial shot of himself in the picture.

I'm not crazy. At least, I think I'm not.

I got Fredrick this past Christmas, after meeting a barrage of people with their own ukulele's over the summer and becoming obsessed with learning how to play.

My sister had a small toy ukulele at home, but the poor thing would go out of tune within five minutes of playing it. So I begged and pleaded with my parents to buy me a real one, and to allow this one small bit of musical joy in my life.

I could tell they had reservations. I don't blame them. My younger sister has been blessed with all the musical talent in the family. I, on the other hand, was thought to be tone death for several years before they realized I was just a terrible singer. I tried taking guitar lessons in elementary school, but the teacher stopped showing up after a while.

I mean, I don't think I was that bad.

But i persisted. I plucked away on the untuned ukulele for months. I taught myself how to play "Somewhere Over the Rainbow," "I'm Yours" and "Hey Soul Sister," determined to show my parents I was serious about this.

By Christmas, they relented. In a staged version of when Ralphie gets his Red Rider BB Gun after all the presents have been opened, my parents pulled out my lovely little ukulele from behind the sofa after all the presents were unwrapped.

It would have been cute, if they hadn't pulled the exact same stunt last year when they got my sister and I "Beatles Rock Band."

I was sworn to protect this precious instrument, and to practice every day. And I love it.

And so, the point of this post? Why, to show you how much I love Julia Nunes:

After I started looking up ukulele videos on YouTube, I discovered her awesomeness. I mean, how many of you can do this:

She may have beaten out Kristen Chenoweth as my girl crush. I obviously have a thing for blonds. 

Thursday, February 2, 2012


When I was little, I thought that February was the greatest month out of all the months of the year.

It may have had something to do with the fact that my birthday is in February. Also, how many other months don't have a set number of days? So what January, you think you're so special because you have 31 days? Pfft. Well not only does February have 28 days, but every four years it has 29 days. So suck on that.

However, as I have aged, February has become less of a great month. First of all, it's the one month out of the year were we allow a freaking groundhog to determine the weather forecast. No matter how many times a Punxsutawney native will explain the holiday to you, it will never not sound stupid.

The main reason for the February not-greatness? Valentines Day. Sure, many happy couples take this Hallmark Card holiday to show the world how much they love each other, but for people like me, it's the one day a year when I am acutely aware of my pathetic non-existent romantic life.

No longer is Valentines Day when you got a fun little party in school and get to pass around Sweet Hearts and little cards that say "I choo-choo's you to be my Valentine!" Now it's just become a day when I realize that my relationship status on Facebook has never changed from "Single."


Wednesday, January 4, 2012

A Question of the Universe Answered.

Many of you are probably wondering why my blog is named the way it is.

Just kidding. I'm sure that the thirteen people (and I love you all!) who read this blog have much more important things on their mind, such as who will be the Republican presidential candidate, or why bacon tastes so good yet is so bad for you.

However, I'm going to tell you the story anyway, because I'm on break, it's one in the morning, The Golden Girls has way to many commercials about Viagra and I'm bored out of my mind.

One of my friends, Colleen, has many frequent catchphrases. Some have faded through time, but one has stuck: "It's casual." "It's casual" has basically become the modern day equivalent of "c'est la vie." It's said whenever we realize that there is nothing we can do in a situation, no matter how much we would like to punch somebody in the face. It's also commonly applied in a ridiculous situation were we have no idea what happened or what to do.

Now on to the second part. About a month into the school year, my friends and I were chilling in our dorms common room, watching TV. On the stairs leading to the girls hallway, a boy, Zaire, was talking to a few girls in the hallway. As he continued to chat the up the girls, Zaire leaned on the railing as he started to walk down the stairs.

Not only did Zaire manage to miss the railing entirely, he proceeded to lose his footing and started an almost slow-motion tumble down the stairs. His body flopped like a Raggedy Ann doll as he hilariously continued to fall.

Finally, when his fall ended, he managed to land on the floor like this:

After completing his Iron Man impression (and we rushed over to see if he was ok), Zaire got up and walked boldly away (actually, he sort of limped). He was fine, and though people teased him about it for several weeks, now nobody really talks about it.

So that is the meaning of the name of this blog. Even something as traumatic as falling down stairs is pretty casual in the long run. 

Now excuse me, I have to go erase all memories of Viagra out of my head.