Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Bean Bags and Goldfish.

Bean Bags are a miraculous piece of furniture. Somehow, somebody decided that sitting in a boring, normal chair was just too damn difficult. I mean, why sit in a chair when you can flop onto a huge, comfy bag like thing on the floor? Obviously, this was what the creator of the Bean Bag was thinking when he or she created it.

Unfortunately, it says a lot about American society in general that these pieces of "furniture," which cost about $30 but probably cost only about $5 to make, have become so popular.

However, this little rant was not running through my head the other night while shopping at Target. What was running through my head was how the hell are we supposed to transport this thing on a bus?

Let me explain. The Target in near my campus allows a night in the beginning of the year where student's from my campus are allowed to come and shop. Lots of things are discounted and it is epic fun. Being broke, I only bought a few essentials, such as shampoo, makeup, and a huge box of goldfish that only cost $5.00

My roommate, God bless her, bought a lamp, rain boots, a hat, all of our food and a bean bag chair. We left Target with feelings of great accomplishment and happiness.

Then we saw the bus.

We had to transport five bags of stuff, one huge box and one bean bag chair on a yellow school bus. As I looked around, I saw a mutual look of horror pass over the faces of the other students as they looked at all the swag they had bought. I hate to break it to you dude, but though buying that life size Iron Man costume may have seemed a good idea at the time, your gonna have a hell of a time transporting it back.

What ended up happening was that I grabbed three bags and the lamp while Julia grabbed the three other bags and the bean bag chair. We struggled and possibly gave several students concussions as we managed to whack just about every person we passed trying to get back to our seats.

Finally, with lots of bags piled on top of us, we began our ride back to school. Eventually we got back and managed to get off the bus without seriously injuring anyone. We felt accomplished that we had accomplished our mission of getting our merchandise back to school.

Then we realized we had to carry it all back to our dorm.

Monday, August 29, 2011

Splashing People on the Roof.

Picture this. The sun is shining outside after hours and hours of nonstop rain. The birds are singing and people you know are chilling outside. You decide to get your lazy ass out of your dorm room and walk outside. You walk down the stairs, open the door to the beautiful day...

And then a huge amount of water comes down on your head.

Luckily, I was not the victim of this attack. I was one of the perpetrators. (I'm not mean or evil, I swear!)

Maybe I should explain this more in detail.

My roommate, Julia, and I were being anti-social and reading in our dorm when one of our neighbors, Megan, walked into our room and proceeded to ask us if we wanted to hang out on the roof.

Confused about what she meant, we walked with Megan to her dorm so she could explain this adventure to us.

As it turns out, Megan (who lives in an awesome triple room), had windows that opened right onto the roof of our dorm. She had removed the screen, and if you climbed through the window, you landed right on the roof.

Naturally, Julia and I immediately agreed to climb onto the roof. After scraping up my legs a bit getting through the window, I stepped up onto the roof...and stepped into one foot deep water.

Because of all the rain, the roof had not drained properly, so the roof had become a mini swimming pool.

Julia, Megan and I began to wade around on the roof. Some people hanging out in our dorm's courtyard saw us and asked if they could come up. We said yes and five more people, including one guy with a skateboard, joined us.

That's when we started kicking water over the edge onto the poor bastards who decided to leave our hall. Many people where splashed and soaked as we took a sadistic pleasure in making those poor, dry people wet.

After about ten minutes we realized that one of the English professors apartments had a perfect view of our totally not illegal activities, everybody decided it would be best if we got off the roof. We left the roof, and Julia and I promised Megan that we would have more adventures with her throughout the year.

Now we just can't wait for it to snow.

Friday, August 26, 2011

The freshmen nube and other Orientation musings.

The day has arrived my friends. The day I have been waiting for all summer. I finally arrived at my college!

Ok, actually, this is my second day of college (or as the English call it, university). But small details like that aren't important. What is important is that I have finally moved out of my house and into my residence hall. In a few days, I actually start taking classes. Now, however, I have a few days of orientation before the hole campus arrives to take over.

If you have graduated college, you probably remember orientation. It's those few days when you can totally tell who is a freshmen nube and who is a sophisticated upperclassman. However, if you do have issues that prevent you from spotting a freshman nube (like partial blindness or a disorder that prevents you from picking up on social cues), here is a sophisticated guide to aid you in spotting them:

How to spot a freshmen nube:
  • The person will appear to be generally lost and confused.
  •  The person will crash right into you since all their attention is focused on the map they are holding.
  • Said person will then ask you for help deciphering the map they are holding.
  •  While in the lunchroom, the person will have a pityful appearance and slowly wander around looking for someone they recognize to sit with.
  • They will actually attempt to dress nice for class.
 If you do see a lonely looking freshmen nube (like me), please come up to us and say hi. We like meeting new people, even if some of us are intense introverts.


Look at those big scary words right there. Aren't they terrifying?

However, as I have discovered, leaving the bed you spent most of your life sleeping in is not the most horrifying thing in the world.

For one thing, you get to design a whole new (half) of a room! It's the perfect excuse to buy all those items you wanted for your room. Ever wanted a brand new bed set, or that ridiculous lamp that shines all different coors? How about a disco ball, or a lava lamp?

Well now you can do that and more!

As for getting your first roommate, well, the jury's out on that one. Luckily, I got an awesome roommate who has a great sense of style and is really nice and funny. However, I have heard some horror stories about roommates that seem to verge onto made up territory. Some are just insane.

For example, a colleague of my mother's told me about how when she went to college, she ended up with two roommates in a double room. One of her roommates was perfectly nice. However, the other was the child of Satan.

The COS took some duck tape and split the room in half. She then told the other two:

"This is my side, and that is your side. Got it?"

My mother's colleague and the other girl were to terrified to stand up to her because, as it turns out, she was the daughter of an Italian Mob Boss who was currently fleeing the country. So before you start calling any future roommate horrible, make that of what you will.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Greetings and Salutations

Welcome friends. The lovely thing that you are staring at on your computer screen is my first ever blog. Stand back and admire it in is marvelous glory. Study it. Be amazed by it's awesomeness.

Now wipe that tear from your eye. Theres a story to tell here people!

As an 18-year-old young woman heading off to college for the first time, I have received many reactions when I tell people I have finally graduated the (sometimes) hell hole that is high school. These reactions include:

The "OMG, I can't believe your going to college, so I will bombard you with many questions at once" reaction:
Person: "Your going to college?! Where are you going? When are you leaving? Do you know anybody going there as well? Can I come visit you? Who is your roommate? Have you met him/her yet? Will you party or study? If you could launch penguins from your dorm room at three in the morning, would you?"

(Yes, somebody did ask me that last question. To answer, no, I would not. However, if I could keep the penguins as pets, that would be a different matter)

The "I can't believe your that much older than I thought you were" reaction:
Person: "Wait, you've actually graduated from high school? Jesus Christ, your making me feel old. I thought your where at least entering tenth grade this year."

The "I've never heard of your college but everyone has heard of mine so I'm going to rub it in your face" reaction:
Person: "Oh, your going where? Well, I've never heard of it, but...uh...yeah, I'm sure its a good school. Anyway, I'm going to [Insert big name/well known/Ivy League school here], and everybody is just so proud that I got in there. I mean, it wasn't easy keeping a 4.0 in school and being a tri-athlete, but I was perfect all the same.
Schools were just begging me to come to their schools, and I got so many scholarships, it was hard to pick which one, because my life is just that awesome."

On the whole, people have generally been very proud and happy for me when I tell them I am going to college. Most people are not rude about the fact that I am going to a college that not many people outside of my state have heard of. They are happy that I am growing up and making good, adult choices.

That is, until they ask me about what I'm majoring in.

We have all heard about "useless majors." By using the term "useless majors," people tend to think of majors that don't tend to guarantee you a job in the future. Theater. Dance. Asian Studies. Film. Retail Floristry. And the grandaddy of them all, English.

To quote Avenue Q, "What do you do with a BA in English?" What could you possibly do in the future after spending four years reading Jane Austen and F. Scott Fitzgerald? What could they possibly do in their lives?

However, whatever ill thoughts you may have on the English major, I come here to ell you that there is a major that is considered even more useless then English. A major that will make your future even more hopeless in society's eyes.

My friends, it is the Creative Writing major. It also happens to be what I will majoring in when I go to college.

I'm not talking about the English with an emphasis in Creative Writing major. I'm talking about the full blown Creative Writing major.

Now, there are only three reactions I get when I tell people that I am majoring in Creative Writing:

The "I have no talent or ability to write at all so good for you for knowing where your talents lie" reaction:
Person: "Wow, it's really cool that your doing that. I mean, I had no interest or ability to write when I was in college, so you must be really good at it. Yay for your naive dreams!"

The "Your majoring in what?" reaction:
Person: "Wow, I didn't even know that major existed. You must be super confident in your, uh, abilities. Anyway, I'm majoring in pre-med/pre-law/engineering because I actually want to go far in life."

The "Your poor, naive bastard" reaction:
Person: "I mean, you do realize that that major will get you nowhere in life right?"


So here I am, ready to prove the non-believers in Creative Writing wrong as I blog about my life at college. Prepare to be blown away.