Happy Valentines Day

If you are single, try not to think about the fact that right now Newt Gingrich is having more sex then you this Valentines Day. If you are with someone, try to still not think about that.

And now, a love poem:

Roses are red.

Violets are blue.

Fuck you, whore.

                                                            ---(500) Days of Summer

Goodbye, Fairy Godmother

As you probably know, Whitney Houston tragically passed away yesterday. You might know her as a famous singer from the 80's with a beautiful voice and a serious drug problem. Me, I knew her as one of the stars of one of my favorite childhood movies.

Though Babe holds the place in my heart as my favorite childhood movie, Cinderella is a close second. While at home I would often go around singing "In My Own Little Corner" badly and off key. I wanted my own Asian Prince with the genetically impossible Black and White mom and dad. Most of all, I wanted Whitney Houston as my Fairy Godmother.

Now, in the months before her death, I developed a new love for her. My friends would often jump around while singing "I Wanna Dance With Somebody." While mourning our single status, we would often break out into "I Will Love You." We would also laugh hysterically at this cover of the song: (Warning: Take out your headphones if you are wearing any)

So goodbye Fairy Godmother. Go dance with somebody in heaven.

Ukulele's and Stuff

I have a ukulele. His name is Fredrick.

Fredrick is slightly shy, so he only wanted a partial shot of himself in the picture.

I'm not crazy. At least, I think I'm not.

I got Fredrick this past Christmas, after meeting a barrage of people with their own ukulele's over the summer and becoming obsessed with learning how to play.

My sister had a small toy ukulele at home, but the poor thing would go out of tune within five minutes of playing it. So I begged and pleaded with my parents to buy me a real one, and to allow this one small bit of musical joy in my life.

I could tell they had reservations. I don't blame them. My younger sister has been blessed with all the musical talent in the family. I, on the other hand, was thought to be tone death for several years before they realized I was just a terrible singer. I tried taking guitar lessons in elementary school, but the teacher stopped showing up after a while.

I mean, I don't think I was that bad.

But i persisted. I plucked away on the untuned ukulele for months. I taught myself how to play "Somewhere Over the Rainbow," "I'm Yours" and "Hey Soul Sister," determined to show my parents I was serious about this.

By Christmas, they relented. In a staged version of when Ralphie gets his Red Rider BB Gun after all the presents have been opened, my parents pulled out my lovely little ukulele from behind the sofa after all the presents were unwrapped.

It would have been cute, if they hadn't pulled the exact same stunt last year when they got my sister and I "Beatles Rock Band."

I was sworn to protect this precious instrument, and to practice every day. And I love it.

And so, the point of this post? Why, to show you how much I love Julia Nunes:

After I started looking up ukulele videos on YouTube, I discovered her awesomeness. I mean, how many of you can do this:

She may have beaten out Kristen Chenoweth as my girl crush. I obviously have a thing for blonds. 

February

When I was little, I thought that February was the greatest month out of all the months of the year.

It may have had something to do with the fact that my birthday is in February. Also, how many other months don't have a set number of days? So what January, you think you're so special because you have 31 days? Pfft. Well not only does February have 28 days, but every four years it has 29 days. So suck on that.

However, as I have aged, February has become less of a great month. First of all, it's the one month out of the year were we allow a freaking groundhog to determine the weather forecast. No matter how many times a Punxsutawney native will explain the holiday to you, it will never not sound stupid.

The main reason for the February not-greatness? Valentines Day. Sure, many happy couples take this Hallmark Card holiday to show the world how much they love each other, but for people like me, it's the one day a year when I am acutely aware of my pathetic non-existent romantic life.

No longer is Valentines Day when you got a fun little party in school and get to pass around Sweet Hearts and little cards that say "I choo-choo's you to be my Valentine!" Now it's just become a day when I realize that my relationship status on Facebook has never changed from "Single."

Sigh...

A Question of the Universe Answered.

Many of you are probably wondering why my blog is named the way it is.

Just kidding. I'm sure that the thirteen people (and I love you all!) who read this blog have much more important things on their mind, such as who will be the Republican presidential candidate, or why bacon tastes so good yet is so bad for you.

However, I'm going to tell you the story anyway, because I'm on break, it's one in the morning, The Golden Girls has way to many commercials about Viagra and I'm bored out of my mind.

One of my friends, Colleen, has many frequent catchphrases. Some have faded through time, but one has stuck: "It's casual." "It's casual" has basically become the modern day equivalent of "c'est la vie." It's said whenever we realize that there is nothing we can do in a situation, no matter how much we would like to punch somebody in the face. It's also commonly applied in a ridiculous situation were we have no idea what happened or what to do.

Now on to the second part. About a month into the school year, my friends and I were chilling in our dorms common room, watching TV. On the stairs leading to the girls hallway, a boy, Zaire, was talking to a few girls in the hallway. As he continued to chat the up the girls, Zaire leaned on the railing as he started to walk down the stairs.

Not only did Zaire manage to miss the railing entirely, he proceeded to lose his footing and started an almost slow-motion tumble down the stairs. His body flopped like a Raggedy Ann doll as he hilariously continued to fall.

Finally, when his fall ended, he managed to land on the floor like this:

After completing his Iron Man impression (and we rushed over to see if he was ok), Zaire got up and walked boldly away (actually, he sort of limped). He was fine, and though people teased him about it for several weeks, now nobody really talks about it.

So that is the meaning of the name of this blog. Even something as traumatic as falling down stairs is pretty casual in the long run. 

Now excuse me, I have to go erase all memories of Viagra out of my head.

I am not a poet

[The following is a sonnet I had to write for my Writing and Thinking class]

I am not a poet, oh you know it's true,

For rhymes simply don't appear in my head.

Oh those quatrains, they are far and few,

And that couplet simply leaves me dead.

Why do I need to write this sonnet?

All they talk about is love, death and that bright star.

Sometimes their words make me want to throw my bonnet,

Somewhere that is very very far.

However, maybe sonnets aren’t so bad,

For I hope this one has made you laugh.

Shakespeare and Keats really aren't so bad,

And they’re a heck of a lot more fun then doing math.

So after writing this sonnet, I guess it's plain to see,

I'm a poet, and it never even occurred to me.

Update: We had to read our sonnets aloud in class competition style, and I got second place. :)

Have a Holly Jolly Christmas (if you are a poor college student).

Feliz Navidad my fellow readers! Yes, I know it is a bit early to be giving out the Christmas greetings, but I can't help it. Christmas is my absolutely favorite holiday. It's just such a cheerful and beautiful holiday. My favorite part about Christmas? Giving gifts to others and seeing their happy faces light up with joy. 

However, this year, I have realized that it will be much trickier to give gifts and get into the christmas spirit. Instead of being in my house blasting Christmas music all the time, I now live in a dorm where there are certain quiet hours and other people. Also, my monetary funds have to go to more “important” things that getting gifts for my family and friends. However, I have come up with a good way to help you get into the spirit and do your Christmas shopping with ease!

How to get into the spirit:

Blast that music! (during non-quiet hours): Nothing gets people more into the spirit of Christmas then a good Christmas playlist. Just make sure that other people around you aren't bothered by the songs. If your unsure of what songs to chose, here is my personal playlist:

• Hark! The Herald Angles Sing
  All I Want for Christmas is You
  Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
  Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer
  Your a Mean One, Mr. Grinch
  Little Saint Nick
  I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause
  Santa Baby
  White Christmas
  Carol of the Bells
  God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen

Decorate Your Room: This can be done quite easily and cheaply. One day my friends and I all sat down simply to cut snowflakes out of paper and hung them everywhere. We all got stockings and hung them outside our door. Hang lights around your room. One of my friends parent's was even generous enough to get us a fake Christmas tree!

Carol around Campus: This is especially fun if it starts to snow. Walk around and belt those songs to your hearts content. Even better, some colleges have programs that allow you to send a Christmasgram (“What's a Christmasgram? I want one!”) to anybody you want for a small fee, usually just $1.


Watch the Classics: If you and your friends are into snuggling and watching movies, grab some old holiday favorites and some hot cocoa for some great fun. My personal favorites for Christmas are A Christmas Story, How the Grinch Stole Christmas (the cartoon version), A Christmas Carol, Elf, and A Year Without a Santa Clause (Snow Miser is the man).

How to Give Gifts (if you are poor):

Secret Santa's are your friend: So you've arrived at college and have made at least 15 great new friends right? That's all fine and dandy till you realize you have to get a gift for every single one of them. But fear not my friends. Suggest to your group to have a Secret Santa, where you only have to get one gift for someone, and agree to a maximum low cost. Believe me, nobody will try to stop you.

5 Below is the greatest store in existence: 5 Below has great, fun items that never go above $5 in price! What poor college student doesn't want to here that? They have everything from movies to t-shirts to lava lamps, so if your stuck on what to get them. If you have a little more cash on you and have a girl as your gift receiver, Bath and Body Works is always a great place as well during the holiday season. They have the most amazing lotion infused peppermint scented socks.

Still want to give everyone else a gift? Candy Canes!: Candy Canes are always a great Christmas gift. If your short on funds, get the packs of the kind you would hang on a Christmas tree, tie a little note with a ribbon around it and voila! Instant Christmas gift. If your feeling a little more generous, try to find the awesome large hand pulled candy canes (carful though: They break easily).

I hope that this was able to help you get into the spirit of Christmas. God bless us everyone!